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29 Sep 2021
Our empowering physiological birth!
Our aim was to have a spontaneous, physiological water birth. Whilst I understood that birth is unpredictable, complications can occur and not all elements would be within my control, I knew that all decisions made regarding my birth would be made by myself and my husband – I would direct the course of my birth and this is our birth story....
Initially, we had been on a difficult journey to fall pregnant, it took a lot longer than expected (maybe some naivety on our part). Every time we had a knock back, I grieved the loss of something that wasn’t to be that month and I grieved the loss of my mom – all I needed was for her to peel me from the floor, gently wipe my tears, wrap her arms around me, and tell me everything is going to be ok.
Trying so desperately to become a mom myself, highlighted the loss of my mom even more. Devastatingly, there will be a lot of elements of our new chapter that already have been and will be stolen from us - Dementia is wicked and sinister! My heart aches for my mom every day, we have done a whole 180; sometimes, she even calls me Mom.
Once we found out we were pregnant, we were absolutely thrilled; we were fortunate to have the most incredible pregnancy, and towards the end, I even started to realise how much I would miss being pregnant, it was a transition process.
Once we had shared the news with our family and friends, our attention then turned to the birth itself, particularly the negativity we were receiving surrounding pregnancy, birth and shockingly, even becoming a mom! We looked into various hypnobirthing courses and were recommended ‘Rock Your Birth’ by friends of ours. Without the support and guidance from Anna, our birth experience would have been very different. I LOVED my birth and I can honestly say, I would do it again and again and again!
At my 36-week appointment, my midwife mentioned induction (it’s worth mentioning here that part of our birth plan was to preferably give birth without any intervention at all; I am not anti-intervention, but I am anti-unnecessary intervention). She notified us that due to the change in the NICE guidelines, at 41 weeks they now offer inductions, however, she was fully supportive of our wishes, and stated that if this is something we decline (which in this case for us, we definitely would), they would monitor me and baby every few days instead. It was refreshing to go into the appointment armoured with all the knowledge and have somebody on our team for a change. It also reaffirmed all our research with hypnobirthing tools and gave us both so much confidence in the decision we had already made regarding interventions and our birth preferences. We were both elated and felt like we were pursuing our own path towards our physiological birth; we were on track!
We made it to our scheduled 40-week appointment with my midwife where we had a wonderful, positive appointment. She explained to us that both mine and baby’s heartrates were strong; the baby’s head was in the pelvis; my blood pressure was within the normal parameters and our baby’s fundal growth was within the recommended percentile. Due to the recent change in the NICE national guidelines, inductions are now offered at 41 weeks, as opposed to 40+12, but ultimately, the decision was ours and we had declined both interventions of a membrane sweep and induction. I want to highlight how truly wonderful our midwife was throughout my pregnancy and during my postnatal care. She remained fully supportive of our decisions; she truly championed us. Because of our decision to decline any intervention at this stage, she informed us that our care plan would now be consultant led. Fortunately, an appointment was organised to see the consultant straight after our appointment with our midwife.
Frustratingly, it was clear our notes had not been read or even glanced at prior to entering the room. The consultant briefly discussed guidelines first and then quickly followed with ‘what we will do first is, give you a sweep, I can do that right now, on the bed, the bed behind you, then we will book you in for an induction at 41 weeks.’ As previously discussed, (and supported by our midwife), we again declined these interventions. Throughout the appointment, the language used by the consultant was extremely selective and deliberate in order to scaremonger us into agreeing to interventions that we did not want. We felt like it was used as bait to pressurise us into making a decision we did not want. Words such as stillbirth, dead baby, maternal death were not only precariously repeated but casually thrown around during our consultancy.
Devastatingly, we were never given a choice of booking the induction and left the appointment with the date the consultant had set, ignoring all of our wishes. Upon reflection, only after leaving the appointment, we realised that we absolutely do have a choice and I do not have to consent to anything I do not want; my body, my baby, my birth! I trusted my body and I absolutely trusted my baby. Additionally, the new NICE guidelines state ‘a woman’s individual needs and preferences should always be taken into account and she must have the opportunity to discuss the options with a health care professional so that she can make an informed decision.’ For us as a family, the consultant’s motives were not a good enough reason for us to have a medicalised, intervened birth. Furthermore, it would have exposed both baby and I to unnecessary risk and then a potential cascade of intervention.
We should have been offered balanced, tailored advice based on strong, sound evidence for our specific pregnancy (as should be the right of every pregnant woman). I am a descendent of thousands of generations of women who have successfully given birth, of course I was capable. We left the appointment feeling deflated, defeated and quite honestly distressed. All the hard work I had done prior building my oxytocin levels had been completely undone because of one care provider’s lack of compassion and care; I had been let down!
After leaving the appointment, I immediately contacted Anna, who reassured, supported and (little did we know at the time) offered us the BEST advice which was to try our best to forget about the appointment and use the weekend to try and relax as best I could, rebuilding my oxytocin bucket. During my ‘relaxing weekend’, I made the conscious decision that I would telephone the consultant on the Monday to cancel the induction that I had been forced and bullied into.
Excitingly, during the early hours of that Monday (2am), I began having very mild cramping, of course I naturally wanted to share this news with my mom, so I decided to visit her in the care home where she lives. We held hands, we linked arms and we went for a beautiful, sunny walk, my oxytocin was truly flowing, it was wonderful. By the evening back home, my surges progressively ramped up, I spent the whole of Monday into Tuesday on my birthing ball at home (this is where I wanted to be, in my safe space).
By Tuesday morning, my surges were two minutes apart coming in thick and fast and at the advice of triage, Ben and I drove to Worcestershire Royal Hospital. One of my anxieties of birth was the possibility of my labour stalling upon entering hospital. Unfortunately, this is exactly what happened. The midwife who checked me proceeded to inform me that I was not in labour and it could be days, even weeks before my baby will decide to make an appearance. She also wondered why I hadn’t had a sweep or induction! I politely explained my birth preferences and expressed my wishes of going into spontaneous labour. I also told her I was in labour, I remember thinking, I am not a medical expert, however I am an expert in my own body and I knew I would be having this baby in a matter of hours, not days or weeks like she suggested! I consented to a vaginal examination and my cervix was paper thin but I was only 2cm dilated, therefore we made tracks back home! Ben could tell I was deflated and upset with the outcome.
This may sound absolutely crazy, but we pulled onto the driveway, and as soon as my right foot hit the tiles in the front porch to our home, my surges started back up again; as thick and fast as they were before, I could not believe it. Well actually I could, I was safe, I was loved, I was supported – I was in my familiar space!
I laboured at home until 8pm where we then decided to drive back to hospital. Because of what happened that morning, instead of going to triage straight away, I made Ben loiter with me next to the entrance to the lift along the corridor, where I waited for a surge (I wanted to make sure they wouldn’t stall again). Clasping and leaning on the window ledge, using controlled breathing, a strong surge passed through me, after the surge, I turned to Ben and said ‘yep, we’re good, let’s do this!”
I consented to another vaginal examination and was thrilled to find out I was already 7cm dilated and my membrane sack was bulging meaning my waters were very close to breaking. We were finally admitted onto the delivery suite. Initially our preference was to birth in the Meadow Birth Centre but unfortunately this was still being used as a Covid ward, therefore we knew our chances of a preferred water birth were slim, but all our stars aligned because the pool we had requested was available.
Whilst I settled in the room, Ben rallied around me and created the most magical environment for me to birth in. He displayed our affirmations and wedding photo album around the room, he turned on our battery-operated candles and aromatherapy lamp, he set up our Bluetooth speaker and played our favourite music playlist and ensured I was comfortable and had easy access to food and drink from our birth picnic.
With all systems go, I got changed and laboured in the pool, my surges were incredibly powerful at this point. Using a combination of my hypnobirthing tools and with my supportive midwives and Ben, I remained calm and focused throughout each powerful surge. My waters broke in the pool (I felt a pop and release of pressure). Alongside my waters breaking, my midwife noticed some thick meconium and unfortunately this meant I was advised to get out of the pool to be examined and monitored more closely on the bed. I was not rushed out the pool and in fact, my midwife encouraged me to take my time and surge in the pool for a few minutes longer. At this point I began to push, she encouraged this and I felt she really wanted the water birth I so desperately wanted which was lovely, but unfortunately at this stage, there was no sign of baby’s arrival so I had to get out.
I initially was on ‘all-fours’ on the bed, which was the position I found most comfortable. At this stage, I began to feel frightened, I couldn’t understand the concept of pushing, but with support from Ben and my midwives realising I was transitioning, they offered me lots of verbal support and encouragement. I turned over and no more than two minutes later, with lots of focus and visualisation, I beared down, and took a large, deep breath inward and pushed downwards; the head was born, and with my next surge her body. Willow Maxine Green was born at 1.11am on Wednesday 29th September, only four hours after arriving at hospital. Her middle name Maxine, named after her Grandma, my mom.
I also managed to labour and birth Willow with no pain relief whatsoever, not even paracetamol, my innate, primal animal noises definitely compensated for this. When I guided our baby into the world, I immediately pull her up towards my chest for immediate skin to skin contact. One of our preferences was for Ben to tell me the sex of the baby as we were having a little surprise, Ben kissed me on the head and said we have a little girl.
During the third stage of birth a lot of our birth preferences were met: Delayed cord clamping (we waited for white so the cord continued to pulsate and transfer blood and oxygen and stem cells to the baby); Ben cut the cord after delayed cord clamping; we only had essential tests carried out straight away, other non-essential tests such as weighing was delayed as I preferably wanted two hours of uninterrupted skin to skin contact to promote a healthy breastfeeding journey; I also had a physiological third stage of labour and relied on my own body’s oxytocin to deliver the placenta.
Willow was born with her arm and hand next to her face, this resulted in quite a nasty and complicated outer and inner tear. I was examined by my midwife who then sought a second opinion from the doctor, he explained to me the best course of action would be to have an epidural and to repair the tear with stitches in theatre. Although I was super proud of myself for birthing Willow with no pain relief whatsoever, I was extremely uncomfortable and consented to this course of medical treatment. After only 45 minutes of birthing our daughter, I was taken to theatre. What he thought would only take 45minutes to stitch, actually took over 1.5hours. This meant Ben got lots and lots of beautiful skin to skin in the meantime in our delivery room, he and Willow met me in recovery at 5.30am, three hours after leaving for theatre.
One of our birth preferences was for Ben to have skin to skin with Willow if I was unable to, which turned out to be the case. I know how special this time was for Ben and he was beaming with pride when he met me in recovery. At this time, Ben was finally able to pass Willow to me and we spent our first few minutes together as a family. Looking into my daughter’s eyes, I truly experienced a whole new meaning of love which I know will continue to grow throughout our lives.
Without the support and guidance from Anna, our birth experience would have been very different. I totally rocked my birth and a huge part of this was because of Anna’s incredible course of sound knowledge and professional encouragement which guided the way for our empowering birth! It was moving, it was magical, it was positive!
It’s also really important to mention that people often say to me now post birth, ‘you were really lucky and fortunate to have the birth you wanted’. I cannot stress enough that it wasn’t down to luck or fortune, at all!! It was honestly down to preparation. If we had not attended Anna’s hypnobirthing course or spent hours and hours researching into our ‘birth preferences’, our birth would have been very different.
Being prepared was vital in aiding the decision-making process which ultimately led to our incredible birth, not luck! Our birth was positive, this is because I was empowered, I was informed, and I used those tools to anchor the way I facilitated my birth! During my pregnancy, I kept reciting ‘I will know what’s happening, people will include me and I will be the one directing the decisions. It will happen with me, through me and for me, not to me!’
Thank you, Rock Your Birth.
Laura and Ben - Bewdley, Worcestershire