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05 Mar 2021
Our POSITIVE caesarean birth.
The moment I found out I was pregnant all I could think about was giving birth and how utterly terrified I was. I remember very early on into our pregnancy I switched onto ‘one born every minute’ to see a woman, on her back, screaming. After weeks of sleepless nights, lying awake thinking about giving birth and all these irrational thoughts going through my head I started reading up on ‘Hypnobirthing’. I was so intrigued and the more I read the more I knew I wanted to do a proper course to get me prepared and feeling ready for giving birth without fear.
At 30 weeks pregnant I found Anna and I am beyond grateful I did. At this point in my pregnancy I was feeling so lost. I’d had no contact with my assigned midwife, been told the birthing suite at Worcester was closed, told I couldn’t transfer to Warwick cause I was over 28 weeks, advised not to have a home birth cause ‘I’d never given birth before’ and just generally feeling really let down by the care I had received and like no one was listening to what I wanted.
My husband Shaun and I attended Anna’s free taster session and immediately after signed up to her group course. This was hands down the best thing we invested in during my pregnancy. Anna is so full of knowledge and completely turned my fear into excitement. I literally couldn’t wait to give birth.
I was set on having a home water birth but after a conversation with my midwife and a chat with Shaun we planned for a hospital water birth instead. Not something I was particularly happy with and looking back I wish I had stuck to my guns but with Shaun and Anna’s reassurance I knew I could make a hospital birth a positive one.
As the weeks went by I started to feel more and more relaxed and excited at how close we were to meeting our baby. Any ‘twinge’ or period type pain would get us so excited. I had my affirmations dotted around the house for me to read every day, I would fall asleep to my relaxing birth MP3s, I really took the time to relax and get that ‘oxytocin’ flowing. I knew not to focus on that estimated due date but I couldn’t help but feel slightly disappointed when it came and went without even a hint of baby being on their way.
At my 40 week appointment I was told our baby was engaged and really low. My midwife also said I was booked in for an induction the following week. This took me by surprise as I wasn’t asked if this is what I wanted, there was no discussion just a ‘we don’t let anyone go over 12 days’. After many chats with Anna I decided to decline the induction and agreed to go in for some monitoring.
I was 41+5 an had gone in for extra monitoring which showed our baby was fine and happy. However the discussions then started on how they were going to hurry baby along. Something which I didn’t want as I truly believed our baby would come when they were ready and that we shouldn’t try to hurry this along. The whole time I was in hospital Anna was the other end of my endless WhatsApp messages reassuring me and guiding me. I sat and had a chat with a consultant about our options. Shaun wasn’t able to be with me during this and although he was able to be on speaker phone I found the whole thing really upsetting and overwhelming. All I wanted was to go home and wait for our baby to come on their own terms but hearing the worry in Shaun’s voice I knew the best thing to do was to listen to the advice I was being given and make a decision. So I decided I would go in the next morning for a ‘caesarean birth’ due to me being 13 days overdue. The consultant Shaun and I decided this was the safest way for both me and baby rather than the unpredictability of a induction and not knowing how long that may take.
So that evening we spent trying to relax me as much as possible as the one thing I really wasn’t prepared for was a c section. I hadn’t even made a c section birth plan as I was so adamant this is something I would never need! We got to the hospital the following morning for 7:30 am where we were given a room to wait in until called. The whole time I was there I kept hoping and praying my waters would miraculously break and I would go into spontaneous labour. I was convinced there was still time for this to happen.
The consultant came to see us to talk us though what would happen and all the risks etc I started to feel really anxious and nervous so Shaun reminded me of the breathing techniques we had learnt during our sessions which I then started to use and it calmed me down. We were watching Schitts Creek to get my happy hormones flowing and keep me upbeat when a midwife came into the room with my gown and said we would be going through within the next half hour. Again I started getting really anxious but I just concentrated on my breathing and got changed. I put some drops of my essential oils I had packed onto my gown which helped with keeping me calm and grounded.
Before I knew it I was being led to theatre and Shaun had to leave me to go get changed himself whilst they prepped me. Any other time I think this would have made me break down as I didn’t want to be without him for a second but I knew he would be back with me as soon as I was ready and the constant reassurance from the doctors and midwives helped put me at ease. Walking into theatre was quite overwhelming I deliberately didn’t look at too much as I didn’t want to ‘freak’ myself out. It was obviously very bright, clinical, a lot of people.
Despite this I remember seeing how everyone had the biggest smiles on their faces and all saying’ hi Jess how are you’ etc. As I was preparing to have my spinal block put in the loveliest midwife could see I was struggling to relax so she held my hand and did the breathing with me as I told her I’d done hypnobirthing.
The anaesthetist was talking me through exactly what she was doing and how it would feel. I was laughing a long with her at how hard she was pinching me and I couldn’t feel a thing. At this point Shaun was able to come in and he couldn’t believe I was laughing and chatting away to everyone. He said he was so proud of how calm I was. He gave his phone to one of the doctors as we had made a playlist of Beatles songs which the surgeon loved and started singing along to.
There was a lot of noise behind the screen so I knew things were happening but Shaun and the anaesthetist were chatting away to me to keep me focused on them rather than what was happening to me. Although I couldn’t feel any pain at all I could feel a lot of tugging and pressure. Shaun was holding my hand and saying how well I was doing. I just kept focused on him and doing my deep breathing to stop myself from getting overwhelmed. The midwife said to me the baby will be here any minute now and told Shaun to get my phone ready to take photos. He stood up and within a few seconds I heard the loudest cry and I immediately burst into tears. I could see Shaun’s face and he had the biggest smile.
At 1:40pm our beautiful daughter Nuala Deva McGrath was born to the song ‘Across the Universe’ which is where her middle name comes from. I remember the surgeon said ‘does daddy want to tell mummy the sex?’ I could see Shaun looking and after what seemed like ages he said ‘Am I right in saying it’s a girl?’ And the surgeon said yes. (Afterwards Shaun said he wanted to make sure he got it right as there was so much going on with tubes and hands etc he didn’t know what he was looking at to begin with and wanted to make sure he said the right sex ha) The surgeon told me to look up and they held her up for me to see. She had the grumpiest look on her face, her bottom lip stuck out she was clearly too comfortable in my tummy.
She needed to be checked over straight away as her head was a little bit misshapen which we later found out was due to how low she had been in my pelvis for so long. We had delayed cord clamping and Shaun was able to cut the cord once it turned white. He held her the whole time I was being stitched back up as I started to shake a lot. This was completely normal but I just couldn’t stop shaking like I was shivering from being too cold. As soon as I was wheeled into recovery we had skin to skin and she latched straight away which was the most amazing but weirdest feeling. Her little eyes just looking back at me is something I will never forget. I was in hospital for 2 nights and finally allowed home when I was managing my pain a bit better. C section recovery really is hard and exhausting but every time I looked at our beautiful girl I knew it was worth it.
Although it wasn’t the birth I had envisioned, it really was the most amazing, calm and empowering experience. I feel incredibly lucky that we had such a positive birth and it really is all thanks to Anna. Without her support and guidance I dread to think how I would have handled it all but I’m so grateful and thankful that I look back on it being the best day of our lives.
Anyone pregnant and wondering whether to do a hypnobirthing course- DO IT! You won’t regret it. Anna is there for you from the minute you sign up right through until you have your baby and beyond. I am still so grateful for the late night texts of reassurance when I’m having a hard day or struggling and just need a friendly reminder that I can do it. She really is the BEST.
Jessica and Shaun - Redditch, Worcestershire